Mindful Parenting
Mindfulness has been defined as “the awareness that emerges through paying attention, on purpose, in the present moment, and nonjudgmentally to the unfolding of experience moment by moment’’ (Kabat-Zinn, 2003, p. 145). As an extension to this definition, mindful parenting is parents’ learning to listen and understand their children nonjudgmentally, increasing their awareness of the moment they live with their children and decreasing negative automatic reactions to children (Kabat-Zinn and Kabat-Zinn, 1997). Conceptually, mindful parenting is the inclusion of “conscious awareness” into parenting (Bögels, Lehtonen & Restifo, 2010).
Being aware of the inner parts of people’s thoughts and feelings; the outer world of their children, their family, and their culture they live in is within the scope of mindful parenting. It is an ongoing process including (1) greater awareness of a child’s unique nature, emotions, and needs; (2) an ability to be present and listen with full attention; (3) recognizing and accepting everything as it is in each moment, whether good or bad; and (4) getting to know one’s own reactive urges and learning to respond more appropriately, with all clarity and kindness (Bögels & Restifo, 2013).
Mindful parenting has effective strategies that can prevent parents’ automatic harmful negative behaviors toward their children (Dishion, Burraston, & Li, 2003; Dumas, 2005; Duncan, Coatsworth, & Greenberg, 2009a). Implementing mindfulness strategies is thought to be effective against situations such as not being aware (not paying attention to feelings, senses, thoughts) and aversive (avoiding from present moment) (Goldstein, 2002). It means, mindfulness can give us a deeper state of well-being by keeping us focused on that moment because we are aware that this moment will change with another. Thus, awareness provides more flexibility in perceiving what is happening at the moment and less response to situations (Kabat-Zinn, 2003; Wallace and Shapiro, 2006). As a result, mindful parenting is expected to help decrease parental reactivity and increase parents’ patience, flexibility, responsiveness, and consistency (Duncan, Coatsworth, & Greenberg, 2009a).
The Influences of Mindful Parenting on Child Development
Mindful parenting is about listening to the child carefully and willingly in all interactions, accepting the child without judgment, evaluating situations by focusing on the moment, minimizing emotional and momentary negative reactions, exhibiting appropriate behavior, and approaching both himself and the child with love (Duncan, Coatsworth, & Greenberg, 2009). Mindful parenting includes three key parenting processes defined as (1) paying attention and supporting children’s positive behavior, (2) setting healthy boundaries to protect children from dangers, (3) establishing positive family relationships (Smith and Dishion, 2013). The first process involves parenting behaviors such as warmth, praise, positive reinforcement and monitoring. Also, positive behavior support offers children opportunities to succeed. It provides learning opportunities and situations that are rewarding and minimize conflicts and negative interactions (Gardner, 1987). Mindful parents show love for their child by being aware of the positive impact of reinforcing desired behaviors. Also, parents should avoid automatic responses (angry, shouting, etc.) when children do not intentionally follow family rules or expectations. The second process involves monitoring children’s behavior and whereabouts and safeguarding one’s children. Young people who are well monitored are less involved in criminal activity and other unlawful behavior, and scientists conclude that parents should monitor their children more carefully (Stattin & Kerr, 2000). In the third process, when there is behavior that upset the family, parents can react in a variety of ways: they can get angry, avoid discussing the matter, do something that hurt the children (for example; shout, hit, etc.) and these can lead to further conflict. Accordingly, the behavior of the child continues and even increases. When parents take a mindful approach and establish relationships with their children, conflicts can disappear.
Mindfulness in parenting contributes to an overall positive parent-child relationship. Thanks to this method, parents who give their full attention to the moment they live in, that is stay in the moment, react less negatively in their relationship with their child. The bond between the non-judgmental parents and the child is strengthened, and in this bond, more trust and emotional sharing occur between the parent-child. It also contributes to a reduced level of parenting stress, the effective use of parenting strategies, and to increase the child’s well-being (Duncan, Coatsworth, & Greenberg, 2009). Moreover, it increases the mothers’ satisfaction with their parenting skills and connections with their children (Singh et al., 2006).
Mindful parenting generally supports positive parent-child interactions and child development. The parents that adopt mindful parenting practices take an active role in the child’s growing and developing nature undergo a fundamental shift in their ability and willingness to truly be present (Duncan, Coatsworth, & Greenberg, 2009). If parents are competent in mindful parenting, they can create a family atmosphere that allows for more enduring enjoyment and satisfaction in the parent-child interaction (Smith & Dishion, 2013).
Tips for Parents and Teachers
Nowadays, parents focus on living the day in a strictly planned way rather than living in the moment. This situation reduces the possibility of naturally-occuring effective communication with the child. Instead of continuing behaviors such as commanding and criticizing, parents should focus on observing, embracing the moment, and communicating with the child without too much pondering upon the future.
Mindfulness meditation is a practice that helps families to be mindful of their words and actions. Mantra meditation is essentially the rhythmic repetition of sentences or syllables. Mantras, which have a significant effect on being mindful are a method used in mindful parenting. Saying and repeating the sounds occupies the mind and interrupts the normal flow of thought that situation helps cleanse the mind. It allows you to cope with difficult situations, to reconsider and evaluate important parts. These principles will both contribute to the development of the child and will ensure “staying in the moment” for the proper development of the child as a mindful parent (Walters, 2018).
When families are under stress, it can cause negative consequences in the relationship they establish with their children. The bond between stressed parents and children may not be sustainable for a long time. When families are stressed, they display aggressive behavior, and this may undermine the quality of the relationships with their children. Parents can protect their uncontrolled emotions such as stress more reliably and can reduce negative family-related problems that may affect the positive child development by utilizing mindfulness activities. Mindful practices make families more aware and focus on the moment and help parents to control their reaction to their children. Therefore, it is relevant for parents or educators who take care of children to act by controlling their own emotions and focusing on the moment and practice (Ma and Siu, 2016).
While being a parent often creates a situation of struggling with stressful situations, it has been mentioned that the COVID-19 pandemic has increased the levels of parents experiencing stress and depression. Mindfulness-focused interventions for parents reduce the stress levels of the parents and help in parent-child relationships. In addition, mindfulness could help parents to bring under control their stress factors that emerged in pandemic so that they can build a positive parent-child relationship (Fuller & Fitter, 2020). Overall, parents could make mindful practices as part of their daily lives to manage their personal stress, which naturally lead them to have better relationships with their environment, including children and other family members.
Written by Buse Aday, Damla Çetinkaya, İrem Cankan, İrem Simay Özen, İrem Şengiz, Tuğçe Iğnak, Şevval Nur Yağlı, and İbrahim Hakkı Acar